Yesterday at this time I was looking forward to 10 0'clock so I could go home and start my weekend. Now, I'm wondering how things could get so fucked up in just a few hours. Life was going pretty good, very busy but actually good but that all changed earlier today. Now I've got so much on my mind that I can barely stand it. I'm not sure what's going to happen during that next few days/weeks and that scares me so very much. So many thoughts are whirling in my head, even though I know there's nothing wrong with my heart I have such a pressure in my chest that it feels like I can barely breathe. My hands feel weak and shaky and I'd just like to find a dark corner by myself to just sit and cry and scream. But I CAN'T!!!!!!!!
I've always had to be the strong one in my fucked up crazy family and no matter how things go that's still my job. I can't lose it when I have to be strong for everyone else.
I hate the thought that I'm actually writing this but I need to get some of this out. There's no way I can talk in person without totally losing it so this will have to do. Please pray for me so that I find the strength to go on without totally going off the deep end. Please pray for my daughter despite the fact that she's brought everything that's happening now on herself... and us. Please pray for the kiddies so that their happy life isn't messed up and for my hubby whose mental issues will make this an even more difficult thing to go thru.
Just... please pray for us!
16 comments:
Dear Lily, I'm so very sorry to hear that things are this bad...But you're doing a very wise thing to write about it here to relieve some of the pressure. I will definitely pray for you and your family. Things have to get better. Know that you're in your friends' thoughts here on the blogosphere, and please take care.
My thoughts are with you and yours, Lily.
If you need to 'talk', send an email. I know very well how much you need to just tell someone, anyone how you feel. Sharing always helps.
(((BIG FAT SQUISHY HUGS)))
Oh Lily, I'm so glad you reached out to us. We're all sending buckets and buckets of mojo that you make it through. Having to be the strong one sucks hardcore sometime.
Like Kris said, if you want to just type it all out and rage away, I'm here to read and listen. Hugs and much love, I'll keep you and your whole family, but especially the kiddos, in my thoughts.
*hugs* hope things get better soon.
Oh, Lily! *BIG HUG*
We're here. Please feel free to reach out and rant and scream to me in email if you need a sounding board. And - you are in my thoughts, ok??
Gosh, hon, your post is heart-wrenching! You don't always have to be strong; just be as strong as you can be for as long as you can be. After that point, let go of the self-control and then regroup at your own pace. You know the people who care about you will understand.
{{hugs and hair strokes}}
Hugs and prayers for you and your family, Lily.
I agree with KZ. You don't have to be the strong one all the time. It's OK to let it out and just be a little bit selfish for a change. Otherwise you're just going to crash at a later date.
A *big bear hug* from me as well. Vent all you want, it *is* all you can do sometimes to keep sane. I wish you all you need to get through this! And know, we're here!
((((Lily))))
I'm so sorry you're going through a rough time. Please email me if you need to. Also, this blog is your space. If you need to vent, it's the perfect place for it.
You have my prayers and support and hugs. I will be keeping you and your family close to my heart. *hugs*
Oh, Lily, what an emotional roller coaster. *MORE BIG HUGS*
Lily, take care of yourself, please! Rant all you want, vent here, email, do whatever it takes. If you are the one who has to hold the family together, so be it, but don't hesitate to lean on others, too.
I care about you. You're in my thoughts.
Thank you all so much! Your comments, support and hugs mean a lot!!
Dear Lily,
I am so sorry to hear what you are being through. I am a frequent reader of your blog even though I never posted a comment before.
I hope you the best and hope things work out for you.
Best wishes and hug
Thank you, Dephiros! It's nice to know you've been visiting my little corner of the web. Hopefully you'll comment again sometime... when I find my blogging mindset again. :)
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